stay at home, work, do both, survive, thrive, live and let live - let yourself live.
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The women I know are smart, healthy, talented, skilled-- sure they have some doubt, anyone who says they never doubt is lying. If you are allowing yourself to feel shame or guilt because your choice is different or your choice is being questioned, maybe it's an opportunity to take a step back, assess whether it truly is your choice, adjust if necessary to be true to yourself, commit and move forward.

Creaminess vegan gluten free style
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soak for 4 hours
discard soak water
put in food processor and puree
add water to consistency you prefer.

Sunflower seeds
put in food processor and puree
add water to consistency you prefer.

Tahini at "ethnic" stores that cater to middle eastern clientele,
it's much less expensive there. Buy the one in the glass bottle if they have it.

You can add these thickeners to just about any dish you'd like to make creamy.

I add
lemon, olive oil, garlic, oregano, salt, pepper- maybe a dash of apple cider vinegar
to make a Greek flavor profile.


again and again
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Whether it's witnessed in self or others, one person's lack of compassion towards another person or group of persons, stuns me. Note to self: Shake off the stun and remember to come from love again and again.

any way is good
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"when a clear mind is dissatisfied with one thing or another, a new thing can come of it that is pure glory"

until the next witness of contrast creates a bit more of dissatisfaction
and the cycle continues.
we can be at peace with whatever is, whatever comes

~ either way is good.

Forever Young
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Compassion is what keeps us young at heart and mind.

Aging is biological, getting old is mental and spiritual.

Let's stay young at heart!

ONE WORD ~ flow into 2014
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präˈsperitē/<input ... >
noun: prosperity

  1. 1.
    the state of being prosperous.
    "a long period of prosperity"
    synonyms: success, profitability, affluence, wealth, opulence, luxury, the good life, milk and honey, (good) fortune, ease, plenty, comfort, security,well-being
    "she deserves all the prosperity she now enjoys"

there is beauty everywhere. there is beauty here.
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We can pause for a moment.
Look around and see the beauty in our lives, in this moment.
Do it now. 

films worth watching
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Feature Films I recommend, by category:

Comedy / Drama / Fantasy / Romance
IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE ~ Comedy / Drama / Fantasy / Romance
WINGS OF DESIRE ~ Fantasy / Drama / Romance
FAR AWAY SO CLOSE ~ Fantasy / Drama / Mystery / Romance
HEAVEN CAN WAIT ~ Comedy / Fantasy / Romance
GIULIETTA DE SPIRITU ~ Comedy / Drama / Fantasy / Romance
WHAT DREAMS MAY COME ~ Drama / Fantasy / Romance
ON A CLEAR DAY YOU CAN SEE FOREVER ~ Comedy / Drama / Romance / Fantasy
ALL THAT JAZZ ~ Comedy / Drama / Fantasy / Romance / Musical / Based on a true story
ALWAYS ~ Comedy / Fantasy / Romance
AMELIE ~ Comedy / Fantasy / Action
BEING JOHN MALCOVICH ~ Comedy / Action / Drama

Dark Comedy
WAR OF THE ROSES ~ Dark Comedy / Romance
AMERICAN BEAUTY ~ Drama / Dark Comedy
SERIAL MOM ~ Dark Comedy
HEDGEHOG ~ Dark Comedy / Drama

Comedy / Crime / Drama
THE HEAT ~ Crime / Comedy / Buddy movie
FARGO ~ Dark Comedy / Crime
THE STING ~ Comedy / Crime / Drama
ADAPTATION~ Comedy / Crime / Drama
PAPER MOON ~ Comedy / Drama / Road Trip / Grifters

Comedy / Drama
AUNTIE MAME ~ Comedy / Drama
BEING THERE ~ Comedy / Drama
TOOTSIE ~ Comedy / Drama
STEEL MAGNOLIAS ~ Drama / Comedy
CROOKLYN ~ Drama / Comedy
PRISCILLA QUEEN OF THE DESERT ~ Road Trip / Comedy / Drama

Comedy / Drama / Romance
HARLOD AND MAUDE ~ Comedy / Drama / Romance
THE BUTTERFLY'S DREAM ~ Drama / Comedy / Romance
THE WORD ACCORDING TO GARP ~ Comedy / Drama / Romance
ADAM'S RIB ~ ~ Comedy / Drama / Romance
FEMALE ~ Comedy / Drama / Romance
BAREFOOT IN THE PARK ~ Comedy / Drama / Romance
BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S ~ Comedy / Drama / Romance
BOOGIE NIGHTS ~ Comedy / Drama / Romance
AS GOOD AS IT GETS ~ Comedy / Drama / Romance
HIS GIRL FRIDAY~ Romantic Comedy
GROUNDHOG DAY ~ Romantic Comedy
MR. MOM ~ Romantic Comedy
BIG ~ Comedy / Family
SUPERBAD ~ Comedy / Buddy movie

MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING~ Documentary (except for the Windex) / Comedy / Romance / Immigrant / Family
THE VISITOR ~ Immigrant changes a WASPS life, Drama
NAMESAKE ~ Immigrant love story

Crime / Drama
FROZEN RIVER ~ Crime Drama
TSOTSI ~ Crime Drama

GIANT ~ Drama
THE ROSE ~ Drama
DEER HUNTER ~ Drama / War
NUTS ~ Drama
MASK ~ Drama
MY LIFE ~ Drama
TALK  TO HER ~ Drama
MAGNOLIA ~ Twisted Drama
THE WAY WE WERE ~ Drama / Romance
A SEPARATION ~ Drama / Foreign
SARAH’S JEY  ~ Drama / Foreign

Musical / Comedy
FUNNY GILR ~ Comedy / Musical
FUNNY LADY ~ Comedy / Musical
THE NUTTY PROFESSOR (Jerry Lewis) Comedy / Musical
AMERICAN IN PARIS ~ Comedy / Musical
GIGI ~ Comedy / Musical
MY FAIR LADY ~  Comedy / Musical
CABARET ~ Comedy / Musical
SINGING IN THE RAIN ~ Musical / Comedy / Romance

THE WIZARD OF OZ ~  Family / Adventure / Fantasy / Musical
MARY POPPINS ~ Family / Musical
EVER AFTER  ~ Family / Fairytale worth telling
MATILDA ~ Family / Action
WHALE RIDER ~ Drama / Family

Action / Sci-Fi / Fantasy
TERMINATOR~ Action / Sci-Fi / Thriller
(Sarah Connor Chronicles TV show as well) ~ Action / Sci-Fi / Thriller
E.T. ~ Sci-Fi / Fantasy
HANDMAIDS TAIL ~ Sci- Fi / Drama / Thriller / Dystopian
BLADE RUNNER ~ Action / Sci-Fi / Thriller
X-MEN the entire franchise ~ Action / Sci Fi
G.I. JANE ~ Action / Drama
KILL BILL 1,2  ~ Action / Drama
INDIANA JONES ~ Action Adventure
EMPIRE OF THE SUN ~ Action / Drama / War
BACK TO THE FUTURE I, II, III~ Action / Science Fiction
LOOPER~ Action / Science Fiction

Sci- Fi / Fantasy / Drama
ALTERED STATES ~ Sci- Fi / Fantasy / Drama
DONNIE DARKO ~ Sci- Fi / Fantasy / Drama
12 MONKEYS ~ Sci-Fi / Fantasy / Drama
BRAZIL~ Sci-Fi / Fantasy / Drama
SIGNS ~ Sci-Fi / Drama / Mystery / Thriller
THE SKIN I LIVE IN ~ Sci-Fi / Drama / Mystery / Thriller

Drama / Mystery / Thriller
FIGHT CLUB ~ Drama / Mystery / Thriller
MEMENTO ~ Crime / Drama / Mystery / Thriller

Espionage / Drama / Mystery / Thriller
NIKITA ~ Espionage / Crime / Drama / Romance / Thriller
GROSSE POINTE BLANK ~ Espionage / Action / Assasin / Comedy
BOURNE the entire franchise ~  Espionage  / Thriller / Action / Adventure
MATA HARI ~ Espionage / Drama / War
SALT (with the new improved ending)  ~ Espionage  / Thriller / Action / Adventure

(organized) Crime / Drama / Thriller
GODFATHER 1 ~ (organized) Crime / Drama / Thriller
GODFATHER 2 ~ (organized) Crime / Drama / Thriller
GOODFELLAS ~ (organized) Crime / Drama / Thriller
CASINO ~ (organized) Crime / Drama / Thriller
RESEVOIR DOGS ~ (organized) Crime / Drama / Thriller
DONNIE BRASCO ~ (organized) Crime / Drama / Thriller
HISTORY OF VIOLENCE ~ (organized) Crime / Drama / Thriller
DEPARTED ~ (organized) Crime / Drama / Thriller
THE PROFESSIONAL ~ (organized) Crime / Drama / Thriller
TOWN ~ (organized) Crime / Drama / Thriller

Martial Arts
FISTS OF FURY ~ Martial Arts
SEVEN SAMURAI ~ Martial Arts
Anything with Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee in it.

Based on a true story /  Drama
LADY SINGS THE BLUES ~ Based on a true story / Drama
CAMILLE CLAUDEL~ Based on a true story / Drama
MALCOLM X ~ Based on a true story / Drama
NORMA RAE ~ Based on a true story /  Drama
RABBIT PROOF FENCE ~  Based on a true story / Drama
GYPSTY ~ Based on a true story / Musical / Comedy / Drama
SILKWOOD ~  Based on a true story / Drama
AVIATOR ~ Based on a true story / Drama

WHEN WE WERE KINGS ~ Documentary
BARAKA ~ energy and one ness documented
LATCHO DROM ~ Gypsy documentary
PARIS IS BURNING ~ Documentary / Vogue Balls, NYC Gay Scene
BALLERINA ~ Dancer's life Documentary
GOD GREW TIRED OF US ~ Documentary / Immigrant Story
EVERY LITTLE STEP ~  Documentary / Dance
EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP ~ Documentary / Graffiti
MURDER BALL ~ Documentary / Sports
POSTER GIRL  ~ Documentary / PTSD Military

THE SHINING ~ Horror / Mystery / Thriller
ROSEMARY’S BABY ~ Horror / Drama / Mystery
IDENTITY ~ Horror / Thriller
FIRE WALK WITH ME ~ Mystery / Thriller / Drama / Horror
MONSTER ~ Based on a true story / horrifying.
BABY JANE ~ yikes

Period Piece
JEZEBEL ~ Drama / Period Piece
GONE WITH THE WIND ~ Drama / Period Piece

DJANGO UNCHAINED ~ Western / Tarantino Master Piece

What films are on your recommend list?

compassion for every generation
om my eye
When we lack compassion for the youth du jour, forgetting that we did similar, maybe 'worse' things with varying degrees of consequence (we got away with more then) that is not merely showing age, it is the definition of getting old. Aging is a chronological matter; getting old is mind and soul deterioration. It's easily preventable and can be repaired. We can simply let go of judgments, make room for compassion, appreciate the gifts of the latest generation and grow with them.

21 days after Litsa's transition
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My sister would be glad to know that I visited with family for an extra week.
She was always sentimental about the family being together.

I'm sad about her passing, particularly sad for her 12 yr old son.
Bless him and his journey.

I find myself at a loss for words- a heaviness that prevents me from speaking much about the loss.

21 days and it feels like a week.

Rad Na noodles
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I saw Rad Na rice noodles at the grocery store and decided to make my own East Asian inspired dish~


Boil noodles for 3 min., then rinse with ice cold water and set aside.

1/2 cup Bragg Amino's (it's like Soy Sauce, but Gluten and GMO free)
1/4 cup Crunchy Natural Peanut Butter softened with hot water
1/4 cup Apricot Preserves
1 tsp or more Chinese 5 Spice
1 tbs Fresh Ginger (I peel and cut into chunks then squeeze through garlic crusher)
2 - 3 cloves Fresh Crushed Garlic
1 tsp Apple Cider Vinegar
1 tsp Sesame Oil
1 squeeze Lime
Cayenne to taste (1/2 tsp)
If you have Shitake Mushrooms, add the water from reconstituting them
If you want a thick sauce, add 1 tsp Cornstarch in 1 tbs water and stir in while cooking veggies.

1/2 cup Shredded Red Cabbage
1/2 cup Shredded Savoy Cabbage
1/4 cup Shredded Carrots
1 head Broccoli
I thought of adding 8 oz. mushrooms, but didn't have any at home.  Mushrooms would be nice for the sauce too.

Heat & Eat
In a large pan or Wok drizzle a tsp. Sesame Oil, add Veggie's, warm through to desired softness, add Noodles and pour Sauce on top,
warm through as you toss it all together.
Add crushed Peanuts and Cilantro or Thai Basil as tasty garnish.

Measurements are by eye-- add more or less of any ingredient to TASTE. 

oh, God.
When I use the word, "God" I could also use:
source, universe, great spirit, source energy, spirit, goodness, grace, love.

Coming from me, "God" means unconditional, non dual (not male or female, or up or down) it means ALL.
God is another way of saying Omnipresent peace / love that transcends concepts of duality.

We can all transcend duality by simply tapping into the source of energy that connects all beings, that all beings are from and to.

So when you hear me say, "God" there's no need to cringe or associate a religion with it.
I left religion when I was 12.
Let the word God simply represent the love presence that is accessible everywhere, in all things, in all ways.

Have a lovely Sunday~

The moment one human declares itself better and more worthy than another human for any "reason" is the moment disharmony begins. The moment we realize we are all equally worthy, regardless of real or imagined differences, that we are all one, we function in harmony. We remember and forget and remember and forget the simplest truths often enough to make for an interesting song.

Change is constant. Decisions can direct more intense and obvious change. When people struggle with a decision, re-member the word decide contains "cide"- aka to die. A decision implies something must die for another thing to live. When it comes to a way of life, if you prefer the lifestyle you have then yes, it makes sense that it's a struggle to choose. If you love your life AND feel a love for what the decision could bring that is as intense a love, it's less obvious and requires a leap of faith. If you do not absolutely LOVE the lifestyle you're living, then it seems pretty easy to let it die so something else can be born. Decide.

Greek Unorthodox- FB with a priest
the thread began with the article titled: "Father Constantinos Economos is building a new generation of Greek Orthodox parishioners' in which he states, "I tell young people it’s not scary or sad or boring to be Greek Orthodox."
I said, "No it's not boring, but it is oppressive. Specifically, it is sexist, which is the mother of all prejudice and discrimination. When you disallow 51% their calling (whatever it may be) based on genitalia it branches out into homophobia, other xenophobia and discrimination."

Father-Constantinos Economos said:
Thomai, I don't think the Church, or Christ leave women out in the cold. If we look at today, the feast day of the Virgin Mary we see that a woman is called Panagia, poorly translated in English to all holy but literally mean above, or first, of all the saints. A woman is the greatest saint. It was a woman (st. Mary magdalene) who first witnesses the Resurrected Christ. We have a plethora of female saints that all show us that Christ, God, His Church is meant for all of us. In a family we have different roles and responsibilities. To say that the church is unfair towards woman because it doesn't ordain them as Priests is unfounded. Is it 'fair' that as a man I can't know the joy if being with child. But it comes that even though we have different roles it does not demean the one over the other. The Church is a family and in the Church we have a Father and a mother (Presbytera - Priests wife). We are all called to be ministers but with different roles and callings.
I hope this clears the church's view on this. It's not my aim to force a change in your opinion but rather present the facts as I see them and allow you to pray and come to your own conclusion. There are so many other aspects of this topic we could delve deeper into but I think that this is the essence of the discussion.
God bless !
+ FC
Thomai Hatsios:
Father-Constantine Economos, If your point was simply that we are different, I agree, yes we are. Your argument that not being able to have children as part of the pre requisite for priesthood would mean that women who are infertile would be allowed to lead a congregation. We are different, but not incapable. Different and equal. If one is called to fulfill a purpose and is capable then one should be allowed to fulfill said purpose, whatever it is. Sex and gender identification is not what makes you a priest. Can you imagine the outrage if a man were denied priesthood based on his skin tone? We know skin tone doesn't determine one's ability to lead a congregation, that would be racist, yet sexism is still part of the the Greek Orthodox Church. Regardless of how much you love and appreciate your wife, daughter, sister, mother or grandmother- to prevent any woman from what she is capable of and called to, is not healthy. It's oppressive and it is sexist. Many choose not to participate in gatherings that teach inequality, especially not in the name of God. It's not a boring or weird service- the G.O. service is beautiful and inspirational, but it has a fatal flaw. IF you are pretending that women are not capable of leading a congregation, I can only hope you'll find yourself in a situation that alters your perception via live example. You may discover a whole new world of congregational leadership and attendance. It's quite possible that Mary Magdalene was the 1st given the charge by Christ to preach, if that's the case, let's wonder what happened to make anyone turn away half the population simply based on sex and gender. I define God as unconditional love and omnipresence, non dual energy of the non dual realm we all emanate from and that is also within each and every one of us. Omnipresent unconditional love is not stuck in duality, not black OR white, female OR male, up OR down, right OR left--but everything everywhere. Even sexism is something to love (not like) and have compassion about (not going to deny it's existence). God is everywhere, is you, is me; unconditional love is available to all of us, emanates from and to us. May we each be so bold as to fulfill our unique purpose on this earth. If it's part of your purpose to bring more youth into the church, more women, etc. Perhaps my sharing of this perspective can be of assistence, if not, that's OK too. Peace and blessings, Thomai

I could have added:
No, the church doesn't leave all women out in the cold, only those who insist on equality in any organization representing omnipresence.

essential truth
As my son sat in the highchair my dad bought him, painting with water colors and anything else he could make into a painters medium, singing along to REM "It's the End of the World As We Know It" to Nick Cave, Tom Waits, Billy Holiday, Roxy Music, Thelonius Monk, Joan Jett, Diamanda Galas, Peter Gabriel, Al Green and RAFFI, he was not being raised to conform. I did not raise my son to abide by anyone's concept of right people and wrong people, good people and bad people, worthy people and unworthy people. I did not raise him to join forces with others who believe it is OK to murder one person but not another and then go on to fabricate the many reasons it's OK or not OK even in self defense, for certain people. No, I did not raise my son to be like that. I didn't raise him to oppress ANYONE on the planet. He was raised surrounded by artists and the art that flowed through each and every one of them; he witnessed divine inspiration daily. His church was once a week poetry readings (sometimes twice, sometimes thrice a week). He traveled with me all over the world so that at the ripe old age of 5 he was able to acknowledge, "There are happy & sad people everywhere. Everywhere we go people are the same." He made music with them all. He left paintings and drawings everywhere we went. Regardless of what is happening in the world around him- he continues to create. He's not attached to the art - not seeking approval, yet I have seen that grin spread across his face when it's obvious someone appreciates and is inspired by what came through. I have seen him share technique and care for others as the healers he encountered in his childhood modeled. He learned in spite of the institutional school teachers who insisted on their way only and with help from the gifted teachers who allowed him to find his way. When he was ticketed for skateboarding at age 12, he shrugged. He knew skateboarding wasn't a bad thing (and now it's not considered the scourge of the city). He didn't get angry or hateful towards the cop, he really just shrugged and had that look in his eye that seems to say, "Oh, OK, I see how you are and what player you are ~playing in your game" an observation, just like that. Then he went on with his day, holding the space of a different knowing than the man who identified himself as an officer of the law. Whether I raised him that way or not, he is above the game. He knows we're all the same, all one. I think that's why he chose to come thru me- to remind me when I forget.
essential truth

Make a wish~
The Gin (Genie) was a trickster archetype. His biggest trick? Making people believe they had to be granted wishes and that they only got to have three. Those tricked would then agonize over which wish to make, so as not to "waste" a wish. The truth is, the manifestation of any wish is inside you and wishes are in endless supply.

How shall I proceed in this matter?

A director who has asked me to produce a film that is about a subject I care very deeply about had the habit of sexualizing every conversation and flirting, innocently enough.  He is in love with his GF and wouldn't really act on it, but it was like a habit of some sort.
We met years ago on an out of town film shoot. The crew becomes like a camp family. We joked and had fun. We became friends.

I had a meeting with him a few months ago about the project and my involvement and I asked him to please refrain from any sexualization /   flirtatious banter. I explained that it made me uncomfortable and as I am getting into shape, I know part of the weight gain was to avoid such comments/jokes/flirtations.  He said he understood and that was that (yaye).

Now he is referring to me as "mom".  We were born 6 months apart. How am I his "mom". I have not been nurturing as a mom.  If anything I have been more like a football coach with him. I have been very professional. I have given very clear and succinct notes on each draft of the script. I have been honest and dispelled dillusions in the most professional manner possible. I've been downright British about it.  If you read my texts and emails, you would not be able to identify if I was male or female from them.

I had written, "The synopsis, tagline, logline and one pager are all very good.  I'm looking forward to putting it together with the script and submitting it- looking forward to the 4th draft!"
He responded, "OK mom"

I suppose I can just let it go and hope it doesn't turn into a problem.
I could nip it in the bud.

Can I please be seen as something other than mother or sex object?
Especially when I AM a producer.  I AM a director. I AM a writer.

I am a mother to one human that came through my body and 3 children that I had guardianship of for various periods of time. No one else.

As I lose weight, I become more attractive in this culture. That helps raise funds, it just does and that's OK.  I can deal with that.
Is it ok to ask directors to keep it pro.?

I've been gifted a movie ticket from a PM I helped with a project last year. That director and his GF and a few others- are meeting to see THE HEAT, then have cocktails afterwards. Maybe the "Madonna / Whore" complex can be brought up in conversation?

While I write this I am also taking stock of myself. I promise not to ever joke about someone's "gay card". Even in jest,  those who overhear that have few gay friends and are unaware the splendid variation, can be mislead by our jokes.  Yes, some fit this or that categorizing stereotype in some ways, and yes, that may be helpful on a dating site, but the uniqueness of the individual is important and worthy of respect- especially by someone who is not part of the demographic! It's also important to squash comparisons. Human's are incomparable. We are each a gift in this world. Our job is to be ourselves 1st. I apologize to anyone I have put in a box, made comparisons... joking or not- I apologize, sincerely.

Yes, I'm a mom. Yes, I'm a straight woman who loves men. Yes, I'm Greek. Yes, I'm (currently) a brunette. Yes, I'm fat. Yes, I'm thin. Yes. I'm 47. None of those things hinder my ability as a film maker.
If I had never been a mom, I would still be an artist. I was an artist before puberty. I am an artist, Greek or not. I am an artist, tiny body or large body, blond, brunette or shaved bald head.

I am what I am.

edit: OH look what I found online-- enlightening work:
Tags: ,

shifting the paradigm and telling the truth- wife and mother

I love my son and I am grateful for the experience of mothering, but it must not define me. I'm glad that I was so young (23) and that it was such a surprise (a good choice for me) because I was never under the illusion that motherhood or the marriage to his father would complete me.  It's lovely to know women who truly desired and became really good moms (I know many).  It's time to celebrate women who own NOT desiring motherhood, regardless of the fantasy that is pushed on women from the moment they are born. Thank goodness that today, men and women can more easily dismiss fantasy based conditioning and define our own paths, fulfill our truly unique purposes. We can love and have fun, choose intense life long commitments or not~ I suppose the choices were always there, but it was considered deviant to stray from "norm".  I hope that as a culture we continue to be more accepting of a variety of life choices.

People who push the concept of all women desiring motherhood and marriage are pushing a fantasy that has little to do with the reality of parenting. Yes, mothering is rewarding and has it's joys, but fantasy pushers neglect to mention the extreme pain mothers experience when a child is very sick or dies. The previously unknown level of frustration when a child grows up to be the antithesis of what the mother thought she was guiding the child to. What worry is like from a mothers POV can't be described with words alone, it would take a Butoh performance to help inform that level of worry. What mothering does to selfhood is profound. How many little girls playing with dolls, toy kitchens and other "girl toys" are aware that the most convenient way to control a woman is through a threat (real or imagined) to her child? Do those little girls know what guilt is? That a man can be a politician, director, bus driver, toll taker, anthropologist, minister and no one asks, "but who is taking care of your children?", yet a mother is asked that often. She may be the primary bread winner AND the primary caregiver, all the while being tossed a heap of guilt and being paid less. Once upon a time, an excuse people gave for women being paid less was that the man was the primary financial supporter of the household. We know that is not the case anymore and we know that all humans are worthy of equal pay for equal work- but we still don't have that, do we? I connect that lack of equal pay to the "marriage and baby" fantasy girls are force fed. The story told in film & TV is that women are trapping men, but let's be honest, men tend to make out better than women in the marriage dept. Many married men suddenly have a built in support system while married women suddenly de rail their ambitions to support his. Marriage is too often like a trap for women, especially once they have children. While it's pretty uncommon and probably looked down upon for a man to consider his life's purpose being a support system for his wife's dreams and goals -women are still being fed the notion that it is noble to make one's life purpose supporting their husbands dreams and goals. I've witnessed many women who momentarily succumbed to the 'supporting your husband will fulfill you' fantasy, wake up and flea from it or find themselves dismissed after years of service with little to show for the work they did that was not considered "work". Thankfully, there are more healthy relationships now than ever before- relationships that truly live in the moment and are beneficial to each partner equally. I believe honest storytelling can help shift relationships and allow the vision of equal partners supporting each others life purposes, to come to fruition.

Parenting is an enormous life altering experience that can be quite fulfilling, but it is not necessary for a fulfilled life. People who claim they don't or wont change when they become parents are probably frightfully bad parents.  Men who play the role of assistant to mom, are not really living up to the role of father as best they can and as would be most appreciated by the children.  In my experience, motherhood has been a great teacher; I have experienced great joy and extreme worry thanks to this role. I had no idea what sacrifice meant previous to parenthood. Thank goodness I was and still am one who allows art to come through me; mothering is not my only purpose in this life.  Still, parenting changed my perception, the art that comes through and the order of my priorities.  Parenting changed how I function and so did my career, my friendships and the communities I belong to. It's usually when a child behaves in a way we wish they wouldn't that we experience the realization ~I am my child's teacher, but I am not my child's only teacher.  That knowledge is easier to digest when the choice of mothering is part of a life's fulfillment, not all of it.

I WISH more women and men who claim they yearn for parenthood would FOSTER humans. Would BABYSIT at a shelter while mom is in a therapy session. Would become a Big Sister or Brother. If you are authentically wishing you were a parent, please volunteer your time and energy to make a child's life better. Being in a paid positon to teach doesn't prepare you as much as committing as a volunteer who cares for children does. If you say you ache to be a parent and you're not doing something to improve the life of a child already here, I suspect you are probably succumbing to a mass fantasy and deep down, you don't really want a child in your life.  Those who say, "I would, but I don't have the time/money/etc." are lying to themselves.  If you really wish to have a child in your life, you can make time and find a way to help any one of the millions of children ACHING to be cared about.  It doesn't cost a penny to hold a crack addicted baby in the NICU. It doesn't cost you more than a cup of coffee at Starbucks to get your ass to a shelter and volunteer. So stop the lies, stop propagating the fantasy of "I wish I was married to a rich man or perfect woman and could have children with her/him". Children of rich men and seemingly perfect women can grow up to be addicts, criminals, they too are born with challenges and develop challenges. You don't have to wait for a fantasy to come to life- you can be there for a child now.

The fantasy of a perfect married life and your perfect little children is as real as the prince waking a dead girl in the forest with a kiss.  You don't really want to be that sleeping beauty and you don't really want to be that prince.  Get over that lie and go on to nurture what you really care about.  Yes, fall in love, but don't let that love define you. If you have children, a job, a career, don't let any one of those things define you. Your desire in life can be what you truly, deeply desire; you can create in that space inside, that is beyond conditioning.

We can live beyond fantasy and fulfill our unique life's purpose.

This essay was written by a woman who did not grow up dreaming of a wedding, who does not like shopping, is not the competitive type- prefers collaboration, doesn't get "catty",
is straight, enjoys really good sex,  spiritual community and very good friends and family,  is counted on by many, is a leader, works in a male dominated, creative industry in positions that are primarily held by men, is the lead character in her story, not the supporting character in others stories and encourages others to live their greatest purpose. This essay was written by a woman who consciously makes an effort to come from love ~everyday.

Very young in life, I realized if I was still and went within, I could find a certain grace. I felt that Christ was about a way of being, not a way to force others to be. I resonated with the stories that depicted Christ as a great compassionate one who loved unconditionally. I believe ever expanding goodness is within and can emanate from each of us. When it comes to the laws of this land, I appreciate separation of church and state. I equate Christ with pacifism and I am not a pacifist, so I do not identify myself as a Christian.  I know I can dislike a person's behavior and still love ~ I do believe in unconditional love.

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